I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
