I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
