I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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