Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
