well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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