Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
