Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
