Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Houston, we have a blender
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
