your thong is hanging out like whoa
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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