The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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