Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
