oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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