you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
