where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
