so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
