I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
