Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
