he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
