on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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