then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
be right there i have to get my cape
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
