Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Randomize
