smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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