I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
