Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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