Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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