and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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