Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
