Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
