I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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