It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
