how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
