you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
