i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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