No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
