either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize