is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
