i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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