saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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