He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
