Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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