I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
