Already got asked if we're dating
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
