we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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