Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
