When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
