I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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