Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
