My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
