my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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