I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
