I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
