reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
