Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
