Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
