We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
