She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
