Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she smelled like a LAN party
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
