so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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