How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
