I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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