No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
