Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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