I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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