Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
