My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
