Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
